'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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