I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize