the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
