i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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