Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
