Where did you get a picture of my penis
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
