Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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