dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
