If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
