were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
