How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
