Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize