grandma shit on top of the toilet
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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