We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
