mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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