She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
