Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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