My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
