My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
