she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Boobs are out for the taking
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
