never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
