That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
