Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
