I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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