he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sorry about my life...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
