I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Two words: blizzard sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
