Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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