This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We got so high we made milksteak
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
