it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
