i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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