we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize