sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
