Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
