You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
