That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
