woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
