His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
