My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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