He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
