I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
