cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
