I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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