Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
