i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
