I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
