yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
