i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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