I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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