I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
