I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
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