You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
