Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
