Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
