At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
