yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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