Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
