Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
