Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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