Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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