Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
