my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
