omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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