Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
