This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
