I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
