my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
