Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
