Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
