Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
